By the time I had my first child, I really did not understand the words PARENTAL RESPONSIBILITY.” I knew I was pregnant and regardless I had to “provide.” Providing to me means the physical needs of a child. At 23 I thought I had it in a bag. Apply for food stamps, WIC, Housing & Section 8. I understood that this was the safe way to raise my son. I formed a plan to get by but not to succeed. For the sake of “change they cycle,” I began to understand that “BEING SAFE” & “TRADITIONAL” would not help my children. Being uncomfortable and not traditional would change their lives completely.
I maintained employment throughout my teens and all of my twenties. I was taught to just “do what I have to.” I was not raised in a two parent home until I was 12. I was raised with my step-father and my mother. My step-father who I eventually called “dad” was the person who taught me basic skills of saving, working, and providing for myself. I was raised to “work” and “provide.” I don’t remember my mother being that affectionate in my life or teaching me anything about how this world can be cruel. At 23, I was far from ready to be a parent. I was only prepared to provide. At 31 I had my second child and that’s when things started to come into perspective. She changed my life COMPLETELY. In the meantime, my oldest suffered.
He did not get a fair chance. Yes, I provided but emotionally, I was not there. I did not understand like most. The mass majority gains employment and buy’s clothes & shoes, and look good on the outside. Most of us can’t began to understand the concept of being a parent.
Enrolled in school, the light began to shine. I learned about “social normalcy.” That means (in lamest terms) that, “whatever my normal was, would also be my children’s. Children form ideas based off of their “social norm.” I began to really understand this philosophy and critical thought. Whatever I do, my children will also do. I began to process that I was the “FOUNDATION AND BLUE PRINT” for their lives. I would later understand just how much my “social norm” would affect my children.
Its a hard pill to swallow to know that you led your flesh and blood down the wrong path. Its important to know that we as parents provide the atmosphere for our children. We are what they see daily. We are the FOUNDATION, BLUE PRINT, AND CHARACTER the will definitely follow,
I have learned that there is no “ME.” If I want my babies to understand life, its my foundation and blue print that they will follow. Learning who I was also became a vital part in raising my children. Whatever they see, they will imitate. Making sure I provide PEACE, LOVE, UNDERSTANDING, KNOWLEDGE, WISDOM, AND STABILITY, is vital to the children becoming functioning adults in this society.
Being an example for my children in a positive manner, is far more important to me than providing materialistic items that they can not invest in or obtain stability.